radio broadcast for deutschlandfunk (2025)
“limerence: love letters” is my newest band/performance project. based on intimate love letters, inspired by my time in istanbul and my collaboration with turkish filmmaker nadir sönmez, the project explores the emotional state of limerence – a deep longing for an idealized future. the letters offer insights into human emotions and question common relationship norms. the special instrumentation of harp, cello, bass and three voices creates a sensitive soundscape that musically underpins these themes. for this project, icselected musicians whose music and emotionality touch my deeply, including artists from the cologne and berlin scene such as felix henkelhausen, kathrin pechlof, lina knörr, donya soleimani and elisabeth coudoux. a record will come out on stssts records late 2025.
theres this cafe. not the one i usually go to in the mornings to read. there asaf already knows me and smiles at me and brings me my espresso without hesitation. but when i walk a bit further down the street, it’s a narrow street almost next to the very busy istiklal street…
that is packed with tourists night and day, on the right side there is a little coffee spot that we randomly chose on our first date to continue our energetic talk about both of our yet still fictional movies. i remember how you captivated me with an illustration of emotions that made your story turn so vivid that i usually probably wouldve been jealous. i wasnt though. there was a little table between us and i wished we would already hold hands. just a minute before you carefully pulled me to the side because of a car that was way too fast and your touch felt so soft and warm even though i wore my leather coat. i knew you just wanted to touch me.
you told me about your dreams, little did i know how much life keeps u in a chokehold, but i did feel some sort of guilt for contemplating my loneliness in this artist residency.
i cant stop thinking about us sitting there so peacefully and energetic. it hurts each time i walk by. sometimes a cute cat is sleeping in the same spot we sat. it hurts even more knowing that in 2 weeks i wont walk by there the same way ever again.
the last time we saw each other we fought again. i didnt bring you a gift from my work trip to germany. i guess chocolate doesnt count. you said a leaf would have been enough. it probably would have , but how could i know. i barely know you at all. would you like candles to light up your room , that your sister burst in while we were facetiming to watch shrek on silent so that nobody knows i exist and we both got so horny just looking at each other and i felt so calm seeing your worried smile.
you left early that day, got up from my bed even though we have so little time to spend anyways. i was so exhausted of fighting, like the time i couldnt get hard for you, because you were too drunk, because of my past experiences or because i watched too much porn or because i was afraid to disappoint you.
you were already gone but after a while we texted and you were still at bar drinking on your own in my neighborhood, probably because you didnt want to be home yet and hide in your room. i ran to the bar just to hold your hand, you said you were still mad but somehow there was so much love there. when you had to catch the subway i walked down the escalator with you. you started to massage my shoulders for just 5 seconds and i moaned quietly, a mix of physical touch, which was so important to both of us, for me to feel comfort ,for you sexually, and just release of my tight muscles. you worked 6 days a week as a physiotherapist so i didn’t expect you to massage me as well, but what i would give for just an hour of you touching me (non-sexually).
i turned around once but you didnt, probably not even worrying about the next time, even though we were both so afraid it would crash over and over again.
i miss you.
pascal klewer 